#this past year I’ve actually very steadily been eating three meals a day instead of one

[lesbiansanemi]

I think… I have figured out the reason I never get gendered as a guy anymore and it’s making me have…. A lot of really complex feelings

[catchester]

12 Days of Christmas

Title: Epiphany 

Authors: @evieplease​​​​ and @catchester​​​​

Which character: Actor!Tom and OFC Rocky

Genre: Humour/Explicit

Fic Summary: Tom and Rocky spend their first Christmas as a couple and Rocky meets Tom’s Mum for the first time. Expect 12 gifts, too much boozy, bad puns and lots of fun!

Rating: Mature

Previous Chapters: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17138390/chapters/40304798

Epiphany 

I’m not much of a cook. I mean, I can feed myself but that cordon bleu shit is way out of my wheelhouse. I don’t really have the time or patience for it anyway. Tom beats me like a drum in the cooking stakes, but if there’s one thing I can cook perfectly, it’s a steak. 

I also make wonderful, fat chips—twice cooked so they’re lovely and crispy outside, but fluffy inside. And I’ve mastered a couple of sauces, but creamy pepper is Tom’s favourite, so we’ll be having that.

I’d also bought a little bit of broccoli to ‘show willing’, as my gran used to say. It was an afterthought, but it looks pretty on the plate, so. . .

Normally I’d cook a ribeye but tonight I was going all out and had bought three, fat, juicy sirloin steaks. I was salivating just thinking about them. 

I’d even bought a new dress, a little red dress—a nice companion for my overworked little black dress. I kind of love it. It’s figure hugging, but with a little flirty flare at the hem, and an almost exact match for my crimson Sephora lip stain. Looks great with my boots too. And I know that Tom will appreciate the back view. Just wearing the thing made me want to wiggle my arse for him!

I’d spent much of the day in my workshop, which is just a fancy way of saying the garage I rent near my flat that I store my spares and heavier equipment in. I knew I was pushing things time wise, but I was nervous, okay?

The fresh layer of snow didn't help matters, snarling up traffic and meaning my errand took twice as long as it should have. 

I ended up having to leave my chips boiling while I got ready, and kept darting back to poke them with a knife. I was damn lucky I didn't overcook them and end up with mash, but somehow I didn’t. 

I had just slid into my new dress when the buzzer went, and I scrambled to do the zip up before Tom and Diana reached my front door. 

I didn’t quite make it, and had to greet Diana with my bra strap hanging out. Luckily Tom spotted my predicament and zipped me up the rest of the way, but not before Diana commented on how chilly I must be! But I got a kiss on the back of my neck from Tom, so it’s all good.

My flat might only be two bedrooms, but it was pretty spacious. I’d improved it a lot over the last five years and it was worth a small fortune thanks to London prices. I would never have been able to afford a flat in London if not for my Dad. Growing up, we’d lived in a council house, which Dad bought at a vastly reduced rate back in the 80s when Right to Buy came in. As such, his small mortgage was long paid off, and the prices had skyrocketed over the years, so when all three of his kids had flown the coop, he sold the four bedroom place and bought two flats in the same estate, but different blocks. 

We’d drawn up a contract and when I reached what he’d paid for it, he’d transfer ownership to me, or it would come to me on his death, whichever came first. My brothers would get his larger flat to share between them. Good luck to ‘em! Those boys haven’t agreed on anything but the MCU since they were ten and twelve, and I can just about predict the rows they’ll have deciding to renovate or sell Dad’s place. I plan on sitting back and enjoying the show.

One of my improvements to my place was to knock down the wall between the living room and kitchen. Where the wall used to be I kept a narrow, oblong table that folded out into one that could comfortably seat four. My extra folding chairs were kept in a cupboard. In my defence, they’re very nice folding chairs and I have cushions I can tie on… 

How naff. I’d hang my head in shame, but I know Diana will appreciate the irony.

Thank god I hadn't had time to worry like this earlier, or they’d likely have arrived to find me sloshed again! Speaking of which... 

“Can I get you a drink?” I asked, my stomach swooping, suddenly realising I should have picked up an extra bottle of wine! Bollocks! Wait, didn’t I have a nice one Tom bought as a gift a few months ago lurking at the back of a cupboard somewhere? I’d have to get it in the fridge ASAP. 

“I don't have any red wine, I’m afraid, only rosé.” I worried my lip. I’m not really a fan of red wine,  but red meat goes with red wine, and Diana would know that! 

“Oh lovely, I like a nice rosé.” Diana to the rescue! God, I love that woman. She’s so polite. 

I did find the bottle Tom had brought around before. It too was pink, but it was prosecco, not wine. Aah well, maybe that would work better as a dessert wine. Or, with luck, a fizzy celebration wine. I put it in the top of the fridge and opened the cold bottle of rosé. 

“Here you go.” I handed them each a glass, but decided to have a beer myself so the wine would go further. I did decant my bottle contents into a tall glass for a change though because I’m at least attempting to be civilised tonight. 

“You have a lovely home,” Diana said as I sat down on my L-shaped unit. It was a bargain I’d found on freecycle then re-upholstered, but it was a quality piece and looked expensive. 

It’s not that I can’t afford a new sofa, even an expensive one—my business does well and my rent to my Dad is whatever I want to pay him. I pay quite a lot because I want him to get his investment in the flat back quickly, but he wouldn't mind at all if I took a whole year off payments because he trusts me. Plus, he’s semi retired now so all he does is answer the phones and do the books, for which he claims 30% of the profits. He started the business so I don’t begrudge him, and it means he isn't desperate for my rent as his income. 

The real reason I upcycled my sofa is that she had such lovely bones, and I love crafty activities. After the renovations on the flat were done, I’d set about finding pieces I could give new life to. My bed mattress was brand new, but the headboard was second hand and recovered in a print to compliment the aqua and white paint in there. I’d stripped the old varnish off the wood parts and stained it new.

I asked Diana about the exhibition she was going to see and she explained it was actually a workshop where she’d be learning something called blackwork embroidery. I’d gathered from looking around her home that she was quite arty, but I hadn’t realised she enjoyed crafting too. It was nice to know we had something in common and I told her about a couple of my projects in the flat. I even told her the story of stapling my finger to the sofa she was sitting on, the very first time I used an upholstery gun, and she told me about some of her past projects. 

After topping up their glasses, I began preparing the meal, but I could still chat to them as I worked. They wanted their steaks medium, which everyone defines differently but after some probing I determined that they liked it red inside, but not bloody cold, which was my preference too. Okay, maybe I like mine a little bloody, but it went on the skillet only 60 seconds after theirs. 

I served my very fat chips in a sort of jenga tower with the middle bricks missing, being very careful not to wipe my greasy fingers on my red dress,  then the steaks, a very healthy dollop of peppercorn sauce, and the broccoli topped with a knob of butter on the side. 

“You led me to believe you weren’t a very good cook,” Diana gently chided me as we ate. 

“I’m not,” I assured her. “I know how to cook, like, three things really well, this, lasagne, and a cheesecake, which we’re having for desert. Everything else falls somewhere between okay and inedible.” 

“Do not ask her to cook fish,” Tom winked at me conspiratorially.

I laughed. He’d once said something about liking salmon, so I got a recipe and tried to cook it for him. It was all new to me, the only fish Dad or the boys would eat came from the fish and chips shop down the corner. Unfortunately no matter what I did the stuff tasted like dirt! Very fishy dirt! I ended up over seasoning, then overcooking it so much that it dried out and it really was inedible. 

And it still tasted like dirt!

We’d ordered a curry instead. 

“Well, these potatoes are amazing, you must give me the recipe,” Diana told me, smiling warmly at me. 

It wasn't hard, so I explained it to her as we ate. 

As well as complimenting me, Diana ooh’d and ah’d as she ate. Tom just ate steadily as if afraid someone might nick his plate if he slowed down, glancing up at me with a warm appreciative smile now and then, so I think they genuinely liked it. 

Good, Diana would probably not like it if I poisoned her boy. 

Talk of the salmon disaster naturally led onto other food related disasters, and I quickly learned I was in good company. 

“Do you remember when you left some steaks out to defrost?” Tom asked his mum. 

Apparently their neighbour’s cat had neatly chewed away all but the rind of fat while they were in the garden. Then there was the story of a time they’d been visiting a friend, and another friend’s dog had eaten the shepherd’s pie they were to be served! 

The Guinness pie was my favourite story though. It was apparently a steak pie made with Guinness gravy, that Diana loved as a child. It was her father’s recipe, basically the only thing he cooked, and then only once or twice a year, on special occasions. She swore she followed the recipe her father gave her to the letter but it was awful. 

“Turned my stomach, honestly,” she admitted, turning pink even after all these years. 

Tom was grinning. “She served us all first, then she realised she’d forgotten the pot of English mustard and told us to all tuck in. Well we did, and there’s me, my sisters and my dad just looking at each other. We all knew she’d spent all day on this and was really looking forward to it. None of us had the heart to tell her we couldn't eat it. She came back and we all plastered smiles on and told her how wonderful it was, while helping ourselves to carrots.”

“That should have been my first clue,” Diana laughed. “Honestly, you’d have thought this one was allergic to vegetables, given how hard he tried to avoid them, and there he was larding his plate with carrots!”

“Then she took one mouthful and her face just turned grey,” Tom laughed. Diana reached out and playfully smacked his shoulder.

“I still tried it a second and third time, in case I’d made a mistake, although I didn't make the family try it. I thought that perhaps the stout needed to marinate longer, or be cooked at a higher temperature so it burned off, but each attempt was just as inedible as my first bite. My father was adamant that he’d given me the exact recipe he used. I gave up in  the end and concluded that he must have substituted something else for the stout, possibly something like cider. I’ve tried other recipes with cider gravy over the years but never quite managed to replicate the same taste.”

I cleared the plates from the table but everyone wanted a little break before desert, which was fine with me. 

“Has Tom told you about our 12 days gifts?” I asked Diana as I grabbed a box from a kitchen drawer.

Suddenly I had a sort of out of body experience where I was watching myself sit with Tom and his mum, I must be mad for even considering what I was about to do...

“He’s told me all about it,” she grinned. “What a lark! It sounds like you had great fun.”

“We did, but more than that, those gifts, specifically the thought Tom had put into his, had really brought home how much he cares for me.” 

I handed Diana a gift box, about 6 inches by four, and maybe two deep. It wasn't wrapped but I had done it up in a fancy ribbon. Eventually she freed it from it’s ribbon prison and opened the lid. 

There in the middle, nestling among some tissue paper (which was hiding some printer paper because I didn't have enough tissue paper, and I wasn’t using bog paper) sat a ring box. 

“This looks interesting,” she murmured, reaching for the ring box.

I could hardly hear her over the hammering of my heart, and I couldn’t look at Tom. My hands were sweating, and my leg was jittering under the table.

As I got off my chair, my knees were trembling but I managed to move beside Diana’s chair before I collapsed to my knees. I barely made eye contact with Tom, who looked curious. 

“It’s a. . . a ring?” 

I had found an incredible rose gold, tungsten ring with a gorgeous burl wood inlay for Tom. I thought it would look warm and elegant on his left hand. It’s unusual, but once I saw it, I couldn’t even look at any bog standard men’s wedding bands. I hope he likes it. Diana’s finger traced thoughtfully over the design, so I think she liked it.

Diana looked up at me, eyebrows up and questions in her eyes. I shuffled around, less gracefully than I’d like until I was on one knee before her, in the traditional pose of a proposer. 

I desperately wanted to look at Tom to see his reaction but I didn’t dare. I’d lose my bottle, if I did...

I took the ring box from her, but I was shaking so much I had to hold it with both hands. I cleared my throat, and sternly ordered myself not to tear up out of sheer nerves.

“This last year taught me a lot about Tom and our relationship, and I suppose you could say I’d had an epiphany about how much your son has come to mean to me. With that in mind, Diana, I..” My voice cracked and I had to clear it and try again.  “I wonder if you would do me the honour of becoming my Mother-in-Law? 

The next three seconds seemed to last an hour. Diana’s mouth opened in surprise as she stared down at the ring. Not unpleasantly surprised, but, oh god, she also wasn't answering me... 

I shouldn't have done it this way, I shouldn't have brought Diana into this. I’d just thought it was a funny and quirky way to include her, but of course, she couldn't answer for Tom. This was such a stupid idea! 

I saw Diana’s gaze flick in Tom’s direction and still couldn’t look at him. I kept my eyes steady on hers and wished the ground would open up to swallow me whole. Hell, it could take my whole apartment, as long as this nightmare stopped! 

I could feel my eyes pricking with tears of humiliation. I should have got drunk again, then I’d probably be passed out and unable to make a fool of myself. Again. I lifted my chin and grabbed courage with both hands, waiting for the verdict.

Suddenly there was an arm around my shoulder and I realised Tom was kneeling beside me. 

“Please, Mum, say yes!” 

I’ve never felt so much relief as when I heard him say that. I swayed on my knees and my surroundings spun briefly as all the air seemed to rush back into the room.

Diana’s hand moved to her chest, patting it as if she’d had heart palpitations, her eyes twinkling down at me.

“Well I don’t know…” she deliberately drew out her response, the tease! “Don’t you think this is... awfully sudden, dear?”

I narrowed my eyes at her. What was she on about? She looked just exactly like Tom when he was about to spring a horrible pun on me, the same sly little smile lurking about her lips. 

“I’m trying to think what those vows would be... ‘Do you, Rocky, take this woman, Diana, as your Awful Wedded Mother-in-Law? To poke and to prod, to stick her nose in where it isn’t wanted, and to generally make herself a pain in your arse? So help you baby Jesus?’

I grinned. Yep, I definitely wanted her! Tom choked beside me, laughing.

“Diana, that is exactly what I had in mind!” I nodded my head hard, my hair bouncing wildly around my head. “So, um, will you?”

Diana reached down and carefully pulled a strand of hair from my mouth, tenderly tucking it behind my ear, her eyes softened into the exact shade Tom’s get. Her hand cupped my cheek gently.

“Yes Rocky, I’d be delighted to be your Mother-in-Law.” she said softly. I heard Tom’s breath gust out in relief beside me. I knelt up, throwing my arms around her and squeezing hard. “Thank you,” I whispered into her hair. I cleared my throat, because I was not going to cry on Tom’s mum.

Diana put her hands on my arms, gently pushing me away, her eyes going behind me.

“I think there’s someone who wants his turn…”

Before I could even look his way, Tom had pulled me onto his thighs, wrapping his arms around me tightly and hugging me hard. One hand went into my hair and pulled my face up to his. There were tears in his eyes, and a crooked smile on his lips.

“Yes please, Rocky.”

Then he was kissing me fiercely, and by god, I was giving back, my hands clutching his shirt.

“Ahem…” Diana cleared her throat. I pulled away from Tom long enough to glance round at her.

“But you said I could have him!” I grumbled at her, hiding my elated laugh. Her eyes laughed right back at me.

“Yes dear, but not right now, if you please! I believe I was promised cheesecake!”

***

We put Diana in a cab back to Tom’s for the night, hugs and kisses all around. She even pinched my cheek! Tom and I stood, arms around each other’s waists, waving goodbye to her as she drove off 

“What would you have done if she’d said ‘no’?” Tom’s tone was slyly curious as we made our way back up the stairs to my second floor flat. I blanched.

“Died of humiliation?” Even thinking of the possibility gave me cold shivers. But Tom had slid to his knees next to me.

“What would you have done?” I turned my face up to his, wondering if he’d have gone along with his mum. Tom scowled.

“Rocky, you know I love my mum. But I’d have told her to…” Tom stalled out as he considered his words. I cocked my head, waiting.

“I’d have told her to bugger off,” said the very civilised, posh idiot. I gasped, only then realising that I’d been holding my breath. 

“But Rocky,” Tom stopped before the door to my flat and raised my chin to look into my eyes. “That was never going to happen, my love. Because Mum loves me, and she knows I love you. Also,” he grinned, “Mum likes you. And now she finds you very engaging.”

Well shit. My eyes teared up at least as much from the sentiment as from the pun. I stood on my toes and kissed him.

Tom opened my door and ushered me in, turning to close the door behind us. When he turned back, I pushed him against it, holding him there with a hand in the center of  his chest.

My other hand slid down his torso to the waistband of his trousers, flicking the button open and sliding the zip down, ratcheting slowly.

I stared into his eyes, watching them darken from their Caribbean blue to steel, the creases at the corners of his eyes tightening.

“Rocky…” he breathed.

“Shhh…” I replied, slipping my hand into his trousers to grasp him. The posh idiot never wore pants, which was calculated to make me rethink the ‘posh’ part. Somehow, knowing that he was bare behind that zipper made me hard.

When my hand encountered all that hard, silky steel. Practically leaping into my hand, I could feel my pussy clench in sheer anticipation. I wanted that hard cock inside me, like, yesterday! 

Oh wait. It was inside me yesterday!

I wrapped my hand carefully and firmly around his shaft, my thumb extending over his bell end to protect him from any chance zip or harsh denim scraping against that tender, sensitive tip.

I like that cock. I wasn’t going to allow it to be hurt on my watch! Besides, if it was going to be mine for the rest of my natural life, forsaking all others, it was in my best interest to see to its proper care and feeding!

My hand tightened around him, just thinking what I wanted to feed it into. Tom lifted a hand and set it onto the column of my throat. I swallowed, feeling my throat move against his palm.

Tom’s head was tilted down watching me as I blindly explored his cock with my hand, palming his length and running my fingertips up his shaft, all the way to the edge of his foreskin. I ran my finger around the rim, gently pushing it down and freeing the vulnerable, delicate bit of skin right beneath his cock head.

I lifted my forefinger, dipping it into the drop of precome waiting there for me, dropping down and letting my finger glide around the edge of his foreskin on the slick fluid, being sure to slide over the tender skin of his bell. How can something so soft be so hard?

I think of myself as hard, but I’m soft for Tom. Really, the only thing to do is to make him mine. Thank god he said yes. Or…

“Um…”  I cleared my throat as I continued to glide my finger over him. “You did say yes, didn’t you? I mean, you get that having your mum as my mother-in-law actually entails you marrying me, right?” I lifted my eyes and searched his.

The blue of his eyes softened. His nose nuzzled below my ear.

“I do, Rocky. And yes, I will.”

All the air left my body and my fingers clenched on him, one hand on his chest, my nails digging into his skin, the other around his cock.

Tom hissed, and his hips shot forward into my fist, forcing his cock through the tight ring of my fingers.

“God, Rocky…” he groaned, his hands moving into my hair, thumbs on my jaw as he leaned down to kiss me roughly.

I stroked that silky smooth, incredibly hard length against my palm. Tom tore his mouth away, breaking our kiss and breathing hard. I took my opportunity to slip to my knees in front of him.

“Rocky...you don’t have-” He gasped.

“Tom,” I said sharply, “if you finish that sentence with ‘don’t have to suck my cock’, I might do you an injury!”

I squeezed his shaft, just to be clear what part might be injured.

“Right,” Tom gasped, “carry on, then.” He swallowed audibly hard, his hands clenching in my hair.

I grinned cheekily at him. “Don’t mind if I do!”

I dragged my free hand down his torso, firmly pushing his back against the door. I took a quick swipe at him with my tongue from stalk to tip and grinned up at him.

“I do what I want!”

I wrapped my lips around the head and gave a suck, swirling my tongue tip over and around the head.

I felt Tom’s deep throated groan vibrate through his body and onto my tongue. Stopping for a second, I looked up at him, for once with no quip on the tip of my tongue.

“I love you, Tom.”

Tom’s eyes completely dilated and he thrust into my fist, his cockhead pushing between my lips, and suddenly he was coming against my mouth. 

My hand pumped over his cock, squeezing and pulling his climax from him, licking his come from around my lips and working the rest out in hot ropes onto my neck and chest.

Tom made a tortured noise, his hands clenching in my hair and hips thrusting helplessly. I gentled my hand, holding it still and warm over his softening shaft as he panted above me.

“Rocky…”

I tore my eyes away from the sight softening in my hand and looked up.

“You undo me, my love.”

His hands moved to my arms and lifted me to stand, wrapping his arms and body around me like a loving cloak.

I nuzzled my nose into the patch of hair in the center of his chest.

“Love you, Tom,” I murmured into his skin, speaking directly to his thumping heart. The arms around me tightened.

“Come along. I have something for you.”

“I hope it’s a hot flannel!”

Tom snickered and trod across the room into the kitchen, dragging me to the sink and wetting a tea towel. He wiped us both clean, and tossed the towel on the side.

He’d left his tablet on the table. Pulling a chair out, he sat, tugging me down onto his lap. He reached for the tablet.

I was wondering if he planned to treat me to porn, or puppies. I never know with Tom, which is of course, one of the things I love about him. He swiftly swiped through a few screens and brought up a file.

“Here, what do you think?” He pushed the tablet into my hands and set his chin on my shoulder, looking over me at the screen.

My hand flew to my mouth, fingers trembling over it as I stared down at a page of gorgeous, conflict free, diamond engagement rings.

“I didn’t want to choose one without you, and I honestly didn’t know what sort you’d like, since you never wear rings or other jewelry,” Tom murmured.

My hand dropped down to the partridge in a pear tree necklace Tom had given me on the First Day of Christmas. 

“Except your partridge,” he acknowledged. “But I chose that, so I really have no idea what your taste in jewelry is.

I was speechless as Tom slowly scrolled through several pages of rings, all sorts, my eyes filling as it finally dawned on me that Tom had been planning to ask me, or was at least thinking about it, when a teardrop landed on the screen. His arm stole around my waist as he turned his head and kissed my neck.

I sniffled, slightly embarrassed, and let out a watery laugh.

“What’s funny, love?”

I sniffled again. “I got engaged today, and here you are, making me cry.”

Tom chuckled.

“Though it might just be PMS.” 

Tom lifted his head with a great shout of laughter. “Oh darling, with you it’s probably the entire alphabet!” Tom teased.

He brought up another page, this time with rubies and sapphires and such. My breath caught at a dark red, square cut stone with two smaller, smokey coloured square cut stones set on either side, all swirled about in a fanciful gold setting. It was stunning,

I reached out a finger and touched it. The image changed, showing other angles of the ring.

“Ooh, I like that one!” Tom wriggled a bit under me in his enthusiasm. “You like coloured stones? Unusual settings? So much better than boring old diamonds, don’t you think? Bloody marvelous, aren’t they?”

I nodded, my throat tight. I hadn’t even given any thought to a ring for me, yet. 

“Tom, I must tell you though, it’s unlikely that I’ll wear it much. With my job, my hands are in and out of all sorts of muck…”

“That’s alright then.” Tom hugged me. “There are plenty of times that I can’t wear jewelry on my job, too. On stage or filming, and so forth. We’ll just have to work out a routine for taking them off before going to work, and putting them back on when we get home. Think of it as putting on and taking off your shoes, only in reverse!”

My head spun with all the things that we haven’t talked about. Oh my god, I don’t know how to throw a wedding! Budget, guest list, venue, flowers, bridesmaids, grooms men,  catering, open or closed bar, the dress… the list seemed endless and I knew I was probably forgetting a dozen other things. 

“I guess there’s still loads of things to work out before we do this thing, right?”

“We can take as long as we need,” he soothed, sensing my unease. “And if we want, there are people we can hire who take care of the organisation.” 

“Okay,” I took a deep breath and tried to relax. “As long as you don’t expect me to look like some giant, frothy meringue.” 

“Never,” he laughed. “And if you get one of those dresses with a thousand pearly buttons down the back, expect them to get torn off on the wedding night.”

The idea of being torn out of my wedding dress actually turned me on a little. Is that bad? 

“Oh, you like that idea,” Tom purred. 

“It’s not the worst idea I’ve heard.”

“Well I’ll have to practice,” he told me, his face the picture of sincerity. “We’ll start easy, maybe try ripping a robe off, then we’ll graduate to t-shirts and shirt-shirts and before you know it’ I’ll be ready to destroy your wedding dress in my haste to get to you.” 

“Or,” I said, holding a finger up as I presented my counter argument, “You could just destroy me right now and I’ll wear a white string bikini on the wedding day.” 

“Only if I get to wear white speedos.”

“Fine, but you also need a white bow tie.” 

Imagining literally the worst of the worst white trash wedding was kind of fun. 

“And white flip-flops,” Tom added. 

“What about if we want a winter wedding?” I asked. 

“White wet suits,” he answered without missing a beat. “I’ll draw a string bikini on yours in Sharpie marker pen.”

“And I’ll be sure to outline your English countryside. Very much looking forward to shading in your arse crack.”

That was the remark that made us lose it and we laughed until our sides hurt. 

Eventually we calmed down, with just the occasional giggle reemerging as we lay there. 

“Now correct me if I’m wrong,” Tom purred, “but I believe there was some mention of me destroying you?” 

“Well yes. I’d hate for you to be embarrassed on the wedding night because we hadn’t practised.”

I swear I heard him growl as he pounced on me, his smile positively wolfish. 

Oh dear, I had awoken the beast and now I was doing to pay. 

I shivered in anticipation. 

[5hfanfiction]

The Golden Rose - Chapter 10

The two girls parted their lips slowly. Neither of them wanted to lose the soft, warm sensation they were currently feeling on their lip, but both of them needed air. Lauren pulled her bottom lip in-between in her teeth and stared down at Camila’s plump lips.

Lauren didn’t know what got into her. Just earlier she was telling Normani how it didn’t feel right to just kiss her, but now she is standing inches away from the lips she just touched. She didn’t know what to think or how to feel. The only thing she really did know was how bad she wanted to kiss her again. Her thoughts were all over the place, but they quickly got interrupted when she heard a stifle laugh coming from the brown-eyed girl in front of her.

“Sorry,” Camila quickly replied before pulling her lips in.

“Don’t be,” Lauren said awkwardly as she ran her fingers through her thick hair. “I should go.”

“Lauren, stop,” Camila said as she reached out to grab Lauren’s hand. “I didn’t mean to laugh. This all just seems like a scene you’d only find in a book or something.”

“Oh,” Lauren said as she became flustered. 

“I liked it,” Camila said as leaned her weight against her doorframe. 

“You did?” Lauren asked, perking up. 

“I don’t lie, but geez, you should’ve gotten me food or something first,” the brown-eyed girl teased. 

“I got you some snacks before I came,” Lauren admitted. “I wasn’t sure if I should bring them up or not, so I ended up leaving them in my car." 

"What did you get me?”

“Come with me and find out." 

"I hope this isn’t some devious plan of yours to kidnap me,” Camila said as she placed the bouquet down on the kitchen counter. She slipped on a pair of black Adidas slides and grabbed her keys before following behind Lauren. 

“It’s not kidnapping if you come willingly.”

“Stop being smart,” Camila huffed as they walked down the long hallway to the elevator. 

“Isn’t smart attractive?”

“Shush,” Camila said as she pressed the down button. “So what snacks did you bring me?”

“I told you, you’ll see when we get down there,” Lauren answered as the bell to elevator rang. 

“Why must you make me wait? You didn’t wait to kiss me.”

Lauren blushed at Camila’s comment as she stepped onto the elevator. She didn’t know exactly how to reply to it. Thankfully Camila started talking again.

“So what exactly does this make us? Are we together? Was it a one time thing? Or is it just complicated?”

Lauren thought about it for a second before replying. “We’ll see.”

“We’ll see?” Camila questioned.

“Yeah,” Lauren replied as they walked off the elevator and towards Lauren’s car. She unlocked her car door and held it open for Camila. “Get in.”

“Get in?!”

“Yeah,” Lauren nodded. “Get in. I’m taking you on a date.”

“Lauren, I’m not dressed to go out. Everything about me is a literal mess right now.”

“You look beautiful to me and that’s all that matters. Now please get your butt in the car.”

Camila decided to keep her mouth shut and slid into the passenger seat. Lauren shut the door behind her and walked around to her side of the car. She slid into her seat and handed Camila a few candy bars and a small bag of Chex mix she had bought earlier. 

“These are for you, but don’t eat them yet because I don’t want you spoiling your lunch.”

“Thanks,” Camila smiled as she looked down at her favorite candies in her hand; Twix, KitKats, and Twizzlers.

“You’re welcome,” Lauren said, glancing over at Camila for a split second before focusing on backing out of her parking spot.

“Where are you taking me for lunch?”

“McDonalds,” Lauren replied as she waited for her turn to turn onto the main road.

“Yummy,” Camila replied sarcastically with a slight laugh. 

“I’m being serious.”

“Okay Lauren.”

“You think I’m joking, don’t you?”

“I do. You couldn’t possibly take a girl to McDonald’s for the first date.”

“I can and I am.”

Camila went along with it until she watched as Lauren pulled into the McDonald’s parking lot. The smile on her face quickly turned into a straight face. She was waiting for Lauren to circle around the parking lot and tell her she was kidding, but instead Lauren pulled into one of the empty parking spots. 

“I’ll let you pick something off the main menu instead of the value menu.”

“Oh, how sweet of you,” Camila joked as they stepped out of the car. 

Their date to McDonald’s was more fun than Camila anticipated besides the part where Lauren ate all ten of the fries that came with her chicken nugget Happy Meal. They eventually found themselves tangled up on Camila’s couch where they continued having their random, but fun conversation while sneaking in a few kisses here and there.

“We have a field trip coming up,” Lauren said, breaking the silence between them. She wrapped Camila’s black locks around her finger and steadily watched as she continued the conversation. “Are you excited?”

“Well it depends on who is in my group.”

“Who do you want in your group?”

“Maybe we should start with who I don’t want in my group.”

“The trouble twins?” Lauren asked, knowing full well how no one wants both of them in a group.

“That sounds horrible when you said it out loud.”

“It does,” Lauren nodded as she unwrapped Camila’s hair from her finger before she rewrapped it. “I was thinking of splitting them up because they’re a completely different people when they’re away from each other. It all depends on if their mother comes. She’s one of those twin moms that hates having them separated from each other no matter how much we tell her that it will benefit everyone gratefully. Why else do you think they sit next to each other when we do table work? It’s painful not being able to separate them.”

“She signed up on the parent volunteer list, so I take it they won’t be separated and I don’t want them or her,” Camila said as she pulled away from Lauren slightly to flip herself around. Her head gently laid against Lauren’s breast and the rhythm of her heartbeat gave Camila the completeness that she didn’t know was missing. 

“She won’t come. She’ll sign up and you can choose her, but I know better than to choose her. I’ve learned from Ally that she won’t show up." 

"I thought you put her on the schedule?”

“I did to make her happy, but I also have backup care just in case.”

“You’re prepared,” Camila laughed slightly as she reached up and ran the back of her fingers against Lauren’s jawline. 

“You have to be. You never know what will happen and you don’t want to risk things when you’re dealing with other people’s children,” Lauren replied as she stared down into Camila’s memorizing eyes. “You should’ve been there last year. Lucy called out at the last minute because she was hungover and we were short on parent chaperones, so as you could imagine I had my hands full with trying to not only keep track of my class but Lucy’s class as well." 

"I really don’t know what you saw in her,” Camila admitted honestly. From the few stories she heard of Lucy - mostly from Dinah and Diane - she sounded like a horrible person. She has yet to hear anything positive about the girl. 

“I’m really not sure either. All she ever was, was a mere crush and a friend. I was never in love with her no matter how hard I tried to tell myself I am. The night she was killed-”

“You don’t have to go into that, Laur,” Camila said, stopping the green-eyed girl from going into the tragedy. The last thing she wanted was for Lauren to be triggered again. 

“I want to talk about it,” Lauren assured. She was never a very open person and never talked in detailed about the tragedy, even to people she’s know her entire life. With Camila, everything felt natural. She felt the comfort and security that she never felt from other people. “I lost a best friend that night. Watching someone die in front of you fucks you up in ways no one knows unless they’ve gone through it. Nobody knows that though. They all think I heard about her death while in the hospital.”

“Have you tried to tell anybody?” Camila asked curiously before stopping herself, afraid of crossing any line. “Wait, don’t answer that.”

“I haven’t,” Lauren answered as she used her right hand to cup Camila chiseled face. It felt like an elephant had been lifted off her chest and she could finely breathe again. “I attempted to tell Ally one time, but I wasn’t ready. Besides, I hate bothering her with my problems.”

“I’m sure she doesn’t mind. She the most sincere, welcoming person I ever met. On my first day she greeted me with a basket full of chocolate and a bear hug. It was quite the welcome." 

"That’s Ally,” Lauren laughed. “She’s everyone’s favorite. Honestly, if it weren’t for her and Brent the three-year-old room would have a lot less children.”

“Brent is a quiet one." 

Over the past month of working at the school, Camila only had one conversation with the blue-eyed boy. The conversation only consisted of two sentences because Camila was in a rush to get the snacks into the classroom. Since then, Camila has only seen him in passing or if she’s over at Lauren’s place. 

"He’s pretty reserved,” Lauren nodded in agreement. “I don’t really know much about him either except for the fact he was friends with Lucy. They were actually kinda close, probably even dated a time or two. She never really disclosed on the matter but you could tell. Everyone could tell,” Lauren said, pursing her lips before continuing. “Lucy once told me he was placed into a foster home right before kindergarten due to his mother overdosing while he was in the car. Then during sometime in second grade his foster family adopted him and they were this picture perfect family. He doesn’t talk much about his foster family, it’s kind of a sore subject. All I know is he doesn’t talk to them anymore. I don’t know what happened to tarnish their relationship. A part of me is curious and the other part is telling me to respect his boundaries. He moved in with us after Lucy’s death for a number of reasons. He’s a strange dude, but I like him. We all like to call him our big brother even though he’s the second youngest." 

Camila didn’t know how to respond after hearing a story like that. Is there even an appropriate response after hearing someone’s hardships? Everything that came to mind was a cliché response others say for empathy, but it never seems to help the ones struggling.

"Just try to keep talking to him. He’s also very shy and hardly strikes up a conversation with anyone. He’s really amazing once you get to know him,” Lauren shared. “I feel like you two would easily become friends and make my life a living hell,” she laughed. 

“It’s fun messing with you,” Camila smirked as she slowly pushed herself up. She was now hovering over the green-eyed girl with only inches separating their lips. 

“Camz,” Lauren gulped as she her eyes moved from Camila’s sparkling brown eyes down to her luscious plumped lips. 

“Yes?”

“Kiss me.”

Camila slowly lowered her head down until her lips were nearly centimeter away. Lauren’s heart felt like a cannon waiting to explode as Camila came closer. She never wanted anything from anybody as bad as she wanted a kiss from Camila right now. With a smirk still on her lips, Camila dodged Lauren’s lips and started placing various kisses all over Lauren’s face. 

“Camila,” Lauren whined as she tried to move her head away. “I want a kiss on my lips.”

“Yes babe.”

“Woah, Camilita, what have I told you about having sex on my couch,” Diane said as she caught Lauren and Camila mid kiss.

“We-we-we weren’t,” Camila stammered as she rolled off Lauren.

“Calm down little sis,” Diane laughed as she grabbed the pitcher of sweet tea out of the fridge. “I see you found your girl, Lauren.”

“Uh, yeah, I did,” Lauren replied as she pushed herself up. 

“It’s about time,” Diane said, grabbing a cup out of cupboard and filling it to the brim with tea. “Well I’ll let you two go back to whatever you were doing, but if you’re going to have sex at least take it to your room.”

“Bye Diane,” Camila said throwing a pillow at her sister. 

“Be careful Lauren. She’s a little rough,” Diane said as she kicked the pillow away and disappeared into her room. 

“Sisters are so annoying,” Camila groaned as she climbed back onto the couch. “Now where were we?”

“Camz, you don’t think she’s going to tell anybody do you?” Lauren asked as she lightly pushed Camila away. 

Lauren’s not embarrassed of Camila or whatever their relationship may be, but the thought of unnecessary rumors flying around work scared her. She wanted to keep her next relationship private, and with Diane knowing, that private relationship she desires won’t be as private.

“Nothing that nobody already doesn’t know. All we were doing was kissing, but if you’re really that worried I can talk to her,” Camila said, trying to bring comfort.

“No, it’s okay. You don’t have to talk to her.”

“You sure?” Camila questioned, feeling Lauren was still a bit uncomfortable.

“I’m sure,” Lauren said as she lowered herself back down onto the couch.

“Now where were we?”

—

Hi guys!

Sorry this took me forever to update. I’ve been busy with school, work, and other personal problems which delayed my writing. I’m back though and slowly working on more updates. 

I hope you have a super, amazing, wonderful day/night!

- Ashley 

wattpad - iloveyou1234566

[howtoloseweightfastsafely]

Advanced Fat Loss - Part III: Intermittent Fasting

This is the food-timing strategy used by countless traditional cultures to reduce inflammation, fix hormonal imbalances, and literally slow down the aging process. (A nice side-effect of this strategy is an unrivaled effect on focus and productivity)

Intermittent Fasting, also known as IF, basically means eating all of your calories within an 8 hour period for men (or a 10 hour period for women) and fasting the rest of the time.

This is highly beneficial for fat burning during the fasting period, and it has the added benefit of reducing stress on your liver, other vital organs, and adrenal glands and causing a mini-detoxification process in your body.

But wait! How many times have you heard that the best way to lose weight is to keep your metabolism constantly stimulated - by eating five, six, seven times a day? Or that you'll "never lose weight" unless you eat every three hours? Too many to count, right?

Look, the supplement companies would love for you to believe that, because that keeps you using plenty of protein powders, protein bars, and meal replacements throughout the day.

But the truth is, intermittent fasting is actually closest to the way our bodies are programmed to eat; our ancestors often hunted and foraged all day, lit one fire at sundown, and did all of their cooking and eating at that time.

Now we've come a long way since that time, and made a lot of advances in nutrition and medicine that help us lead longer, healthier, more productive lives. But everyone can agree it's easier to swim downstream than upstream, and IF is definitely the way our bodies have evolved to eat.

Let's get further into the specifics of a healthy IF regimen...

You already don't eat for about 8 hours a night when you're asleep, so that's not difficult. It's the 16 hours that you're awake that you need to manage. Out of those 16 hours, you just have to choose one 8-hour period during which to fast.

The good thing is, you can work out an IF regimen that fits into your lifestyle best so long as you hit a total fasting period of 16 hours for men or 14 hours for women.

For example, if you're a man, you may decide that the eight hours after you wake up is the best time to do all of your eating, and that you won't eat anything in the afternoon, evening or through the night. This is a good way to start things off if you've still got a substantial amount of weight to lose or you have a body type with a slow metabolism.

However, if you're not someone who eats much in the morning, listen to your body! It's telling you not to eat until the eight hours between your afternoon and your bedtime.

Oh yeah, there's more.

I should also note that IF is the "strategy of champions". You, see IF is the main thing that Bruce Lee and a college football hall-of-famer (leading rusher and Heisman Trophy winner Herschel Walker), have in common. IF is basically the "strategy to trump all strategies" and it is my hands-down favorite way to build a jaw-dropping physique.

For example, here's how I've been structuring my fast for the past 6-8 months (for massive results!):

Last meal of the Day 1: 7:30-8 p.m.

Fast begins at 8 p.m.

Sleep: 11 p.m.-7 a.m.

Continue fasting until 12 p.m.

Eat 2 big meals from 12 p.m. - 8 p.m. on Day 2

Keep in mind that there are many variations on the IF concept: You could eat only in the late morning and afternoon, leaving four hours after you wake up and four hours before you go to bed (plus 8 hours of sleep) as fasting portions.

Or you could fast the way that Muslims the world over do during Ramadan (and Sumo wrestlers in Japan do year-round) - no food between dawn and sunset, but the feast at the end of the day is something truly epic. The point is, it's up to you and your lifestyle.

The only thing to add is that you should definitely perform your workouts during your eight-hour eating period, not during your sixteen-hour fasting period. There is a slight exception to this rule if you do one (or both) of the following:

- Have some grass-fed butter or MCT/Coconut Oil with your morning coffee. This will give a bit of a boost and not be so stressful on your body.

- Take 5-10 grams of BCAAs (branch chain amino acids) about 45 minutes pre-workout.

This will help prevent muscle breakdown that may occur when training fasted. (You can get roughly 10 grams of BCAAs for every 40 grams of whey protein.)

Otherwise, if you work out on an empty stomach, your body is too low on many of the hormones you need to promote muscle growth and burn fat, and in many cases, you'll only end up forcing your body into a catabolic state, where it's cannibalizing its own muscle for energy (and rapidly lowering your day-to-day basal metabolic rate.)

That said, as long as you're in a caloric deficit and are training steadily on IF, I wouldn't worry too much about losing too much muscle or stalling your fat loss.

For example, here's a peek into Herschel Walker's very unorthodox fitness regimen. He eats one huge meal per day (dinner), and it consists of soup, salad, bread, and occasionally chicken. He workouts out daily, but uses no weight training whatsoever. Instead, he sticks to progressive bodyweight training. I wouldn't recommend his workout regiment to any of us mere mortals, but for reference, he is known to do up to 1,000 push-ups, pull-ups, dips and squats EVERY DAY.

(The man is a beast.)

On a somewhat similar regimen, Hugh Jackman (from Wolverine/X-Men, Les Miserables, and various other films) practiced a 16/8 Intermittent Fasting routine. Like the method I've described above, he fast for 16 hours and then eats all 6,000 of his daily calorie needs within an 8 hour period.

A few things to keep in mind during IF:

- You will get hungry the first week or so and want to give up. Just stick with it, and keep in mind that you have 2 huge meals coming up in just a few hours.

- To stave off hunger, make sure you have your morning coffee or tea, and feel free to have an extra cup or two of plain green tea if you need.

- Stay hydrated!! One of the biggest reasons IF doesn't work is because people don't drink enough water, and misinterpret thirst as hunger.

- Keep busy. One of my favorite benefits of IF is the massive productivity boost. Many IF practitioners have noticed the same effect. Basically, water, some caffeine, and some work to get done somehow bring you into an intense state of focus. I usually get more work done while I'm fasting in the morning (and not worrying about food) than I do the whole rest of the day. 

That's all for now. You've got three "cream of the crop" methods that will constantly fire up your body and reveal a lean, lean physique, especially when more traditional methods eventually fail.

Remember, though, that this is advanced fat loss - if you're just getting started on a weight-loss program, cycling your carbs and calories won't actually be as effective for you as a standard calorie-restriction and exercise regimen.

After the first month or so of a standard program, the ideal fat loss per week is between one and two pounds; anything more is unsustainable (and counterproductive in the long run, because it can destroy your lean muscle and stresses your heart) and anything less isn't working fast enough to get you the results that you want.

Thus, use traditional means to lose weight (eat less, eat better, work out, use the calorie calculator bonus) until you stop losing one to two pounds per week; this should happen between four to six months after you've started your program.

Once it does stop, you're ready for advanced fat loss methods like carb/calorie cycling and intermittent fasting (and the body of your dreams!)

 Interested in losing weight? Then click below to see the exact steps I took to lose weight and keep it off for good...

Read the previous article about "Advanced Fat Loss - Part II: Carb Cycling"

Read the next article about "Putting It All Together"

Moving forward, there are several other articles/topics I'll share so you can lose weight even faster, and feel great doing it.

Below is a list of these topics and you can use this Table of Contents to jump to the part that interests you the most.

Topic 1: How I Lost 30 Pounds In 90 Days - And How You Can Too

Topic 2: How I Lost Weight By Not Following The Mainstream Media And Health Guru's Advice - Why The Health Industry Is Broken And How We Can Fix It

Topic 3: The #1 Ridiculous Diet Myth Pushed By 95% Of Doctors And "experts" That Is Keeping You From The Body Of Your Dreams

Topic 4: The Dangers of Low-Carb and Other "No Calorie Counting" Diets

Topic 5: Why Red Meat May Be Good For You And Eggs Won't Kill You

Topic 6: Two Critical Hormones That Are Quietly Making Americans Sicker and Heavier Than Ever Before

Topic 7: Everything Popular Is Wrong: The Real Key To Long-Term Weight Loss

Topic 8: Why That New Miracle Diet Isn't So Much of a Miracle After All (And Why You're Guaranteed To Hate Yourself On It Sooner or Later)

Topic 9: A Nutrition Crash Course To Build A Healthy Body and Happy Mind

Topic 10: How Much You Really Need To Eat For Steady Fat Loss (The Truth About Calories and Macronutrients)

Topic 11: The Easy Way To Determining Your Calorie Intake

Topic 12: Calculating A Weight Loss Deficit

Topic 13: How To Determine Your Optimal "Macros" (And How The Skinny On The 3-Phase Extreme Fat Loss Formula)

Topic 14: Two Dangerous "Invisible Thorn" Foods Masquerading as "Heart Healthy Super Nutrients"

Topic 15: The Truth About Whole Grains And Beans: What Traditional Cultures Know About These So-called "Healthy Foods" That Most Americans Don't

Topic 16: The Inflammation-Reducing, Immune-Fortifying Secret of All Long-Living Cultures (This 3-Step Process Can Reduce Chronic Pain and Heal Your Gut in Less Than 24 Hours)

Topic 17: The Foolproof Immune-enhancing Plan That Cleanses And Purifies Your Body, While "patching Up" Holes, Gaps, And Inefficiencies In Your Digestive System (And How To Do It Without Wasting $10+ Per "meal" On Ridiculous Juice Cleanses)

Topic 18: The Great Soy Myth (and The Truth About Soy in Eastern Asia)

Topic 19: How Chemicals In Food Make Us Fat (Plus 10 Banned Chemicals Still in the U.S. Food Supply)

Topic 20: 10 Banned Chemicals Still in the U.S. Food Supply

Topic 21: How To Protect Yourself Against Chronic Inflammation (What Time Magazine Calls A "Secret Killer")

Topic 22: The Truth About Buying Organic: Secrets The Health Food Industry Doesn't Want You To Know

Topic 23: Choosing High Quality Foods

Topic 24: A Recipe For Rapid Aging: The "Hidden" Compounds Stealing Your Youth, Minute by Minute

Topic 25: 7 Steps To Reduce AGEs and Slow Aging

Topic 26: The 10-second Trick That Can Slash Your Risk Of Cardiovascular Mortality By 37% (Most Traditional Cultures Have Done This For Centuries, But The Pharmaceutical Industry Would Be Up In Arms If More Modern-day Americans Knew About It)

Topic 27: How To Clean Up Your Liver and Vital Organs

Topic 28: The Simple Detox 'Cheat Sheet': How To Easily and Properly Cleanse, Nourish, and Rid Your Body of Dangerous Toxins (and Build a Lean Well-Oiled "Machine" in the Process)

Topic 29: How To Deal With the "Stress Hormone" Before It Deals With You

Topic 30: 7 Common Sense Ways to Have Uncommon Peace of Mind (or How To Stop Your "Stress Hormone" In Its Tracks)

Topic 31: How To Sleep Like A Baby (And Wake Up Feeling Like A Boss)

Topic 32: The 8-step Formula That Finally "fixes" Years Of Poor Sleep, Including Trouble Falling Asleep, Staying Asleep, And Waking Up Rested (If You Ever Find Yourself Hitting The Snooze Every Morning Or Dozing Off At Work, These Steps Will Change Your Life Forever)

Topic 33: For Even Better Leg Up And/or See Faster Results In Fixing Years Of Poor Sleep, Including Trouble Falling Asleep, Staying Asleep, And Waking Up Rested, Do The Following:

Topic 34: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 35: Part 1 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 36: Part 2 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 37: Part 3 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 38: Part 4 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 39: How To Beat Your Mental Roadblocks And Why It Can Be The Difference Between A Happy, Satisfying Life And A Sad, Fearful Existence (These Strategies Will Reduce Stress, Increase Productivity And Show You How To Fulfill All Your Dreams)

Topic 40: Maximum Fat Loss in Minimum Time: The Body Type Solution To Quick, Lasting Results

Topic 41: If You Want Maximum Results In Minimum Time You're Going To Have To Work Out (And Workout Hard, At That)

Topic 42: Food Planning For Maximum Fat Loss In Minimum Time

Topic 43: How To Lose Weight Fast If You're in Chronic Pain

Topic 44: Nutrition Basics for Fast Pain Relief (and Weight Loss)

Topic 45: How To Track Results (And Not Fall Into the Trap That Ruins 95% of Well-Thought Out Diets)

Topic 46: Advanced Fat Loss - Calorie Cycling, Carb Cycling and Intermittent Fasting

Topic 47: Advanced Fat Loss - Part I: Calorie Cycling

Topic 48: Advanced Fat Loss - Part II: Carb Cycling

Topic 49: Advanced Fat Loss - Part III: Intermittent Fasting

Topic 50: Putting It All Together

Learn more by visiting our website here: invigoratenow.com

[gobigorgohome2016]

Jury Duty, Wedding Planning, and Mileage Ramping

Hi.  I’m still alive!  ...there’s nothing quite like serving as a juror on a murder trial to remind you of that fact.  The past few weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind.  In a nutshell:  I am steadily building mileage, I got engaged, and I learned that serving on a jury is really stressful while balancing mileage, wedding planning, and having your puppy-parent-co-pilot out of town.

On May 31st, Dave and I decided that after 7 years of being together (4 living together) it was time to get married.  Let me rephrase in an utterly unromantic way:  after me not having health insurance since July 2015 and Dave having an adult job with benefits, we decided it might be time for me to stop playing Russian roulette.  Let me rephrase in another utterly unromantic way:  this was all decided through tears in the Whole Foods parking lot (let’s be real…how many excursions to Whole Foods don’t end in tears, though?)  We bought a simple ring together two days later and have been wedding planning ever since.

Unintended consequence:  it turns out that getting engaged – no matter the circumstances – makes you really happy and remember why you got together in the first place.  I thought that after spending so much time together, getting engaged would just be a formality.  Instead, there seems to be an ever-so-slight shift in the way we interact with one another, which has been a lot of fun. 

Now, obviously we are both extremely nontraditional people.  We chose a date (July 29th of this year) solely around the fact that my two best friends (who now live in Idaho and Australia) were just randomly going to be within an hour of my hometown that weekend.  I was in their weddings, and I would love for them to be in mine. 

So, yeah, we planned our wedding around two my bridesmaids’ schedules. 

I don’t fancy myself to be a bridezilla (I mean…my engagement ring and dress combined cost less than our celebratory meal…), so I never thought our wedding planning would be stressful.  We are funding the day ourselves, which already relieves decision fatigue.  Seat covers? Table linens? Wedding favors our guests will leave at the table?  Can’t afford them, doesn’t matter!

Putting together our website has been a lot of fun...and a lot of work.  The biggest stressor has been that we had so little time to secure a venue (found one- the Washington Park Zoo!) and send out invites (they arrive tomorrow and will be sent out Friday) that we had to cram A LOT of planning into a short period of time.  Oh yeah, add to that the fact that Dave was out of town for 3 days last week and 4 days this week, which has made things slightly more difficult, since he is very  much involved in the planning of our day.  [if I was making statuses saying “Future hubby asked if he could help make a small decision with our wedding!  So #blessed” he definitely wouldn’t be the one I am marrying.]

All of this wedding planning reminded me how terrible I am at multitasking.  Suddenly, 5 hours have gone by while we are at my computer designing our invitations (which ALMOST got purchased without the wedding date on them…) and I haven’t had a bite to eat, much less gone for my run.  I have had to really double down on planning the day and doing a better job about compartmentalizing tasks, as well as taking time to care for myself.  I am living off of Orgain nutritional drinks, cheese, and Lara bars.

Over the weekend, my (20 year old) niece/ bridesmaid spent a few days with me.  She helped me plan a few things since she is in another wedding this summer, and also kept me focused (apparently she has never seen a person have so many internet tabs open at once..).  Even though having her here was awesome, I definitely didn’t get as much sleep as I needed, especially because I was getting up extra early to run and work so that we could spend uninterrupted time together.  On top of a lot of late nights the previous week so that Dave and I could do wedding stuff, I was already pretty tired.  She reminded me on Sunday night to call the courthouse to see if I had jury duty, and unfortunately I did.  So, I woke up at 6 AM, grinded out some work, and arrived to the city county building by 8 AM.  Nbd, I’ll just get my run in after I’m released from the jury pool, I thought, because surely a far left liberal feminist with a master’s degree in analytical chemistry isn’t going to make it onto a jury for a murder trial, right?  (at least that’s what everyone told me).

During jury selection, I was asked if I felt that certain circumstances could justify a crime, and how I felt about false confessions.  I was honest:  I do not believe in victim blaming, and I think if someone falsely confesses to a crime I would have to question the person’s mental capacity, which makes me wonder why he/she is fit to stand trial in the first place.  Surely my honestly meant that I wouldn’t be chosen for this murder trial right?  Wrong. 

Until 5 PM on Monday we listened to the strangest case I have ever heard in my life.  Side note:  in middle school/high school I was involved in a volunteer organization called Teen Court, which taught me a lot about the legal system.  If you have kids that need to volunteer for honor society or whatnot, I HIGHLY recommend. 

Since the trial is now over, I can legally share details:

Woman 1 (W1) was (unhappily) married.  Husband brought home Woman 2 (W2) (who was married to W1’s ex-husband) and suggested W1 and W2 be sister wives.  W1 said no.  Meanwhile, W1 brings Man 1 (M1) home and has him sleep in her bed “for security purposes.”  She also meets Man 2 (M2), who happens to be her 4th cousin, and they develop a close (romantic?) friendship.  Husband upsets W1 by continually sleeping with W2, so W1, M1, and M2 plan to murder Husband.  M1 and M2 murder Husband, but leave body, vehicle, and murder weapon at the scene.  M2 (who was on trial – M1 and W1 have already been convicted) was charged with murder and conspiracy.  He confessed to the crime, but defense was arguing it was a false confession given under duress. 

We made it through most of the witnesses on Monday, but the defense motioned to break for the day right before we were shown the confession tape.  We had to be back by 9:15 on Tuesday.

I make it home around 6 PM and have two attention starved dogs.  I take care of them and then am utterly EXHAUSTED.  I still need to run. 

In my own personal coaching, I tell my athletes that sleep comes first.  Never force a run when you are completely sleep deprived.  So, I listened to my own advice and took a nap…and fell asleep for the rest of the night.  I got up at 6 the next morning and took the dogs for an hour long walk, then went for an hour long run.  I hurried up and made it to the courthouse, only to wait.  And wait.  And wait some more.  At noon, the judge told us that we were released, but had to return by 9 AM on Wednesday.

Fortunately, this meant I would be able to catch up on wedding stuff, go for another run, and tire out the dogs, since we were told that the case would last all day and into the night on Wednesday.  I woke up at 5:35 AM today, took the dogs for another hour long walk, and then went for an 8 mile run.  I can’t believe I would regularly meet my friends at 5 AM to run in grad school.  I was dragging both yesterday and today.  When that happens, I break my run up into 10% segments.  Today, I just thought about 6.5 minutes at a time.  Make it to 10%, then 20%, then 30%....  It helps.  I got to the courtroom only to be greeted by the bailiff and both attorneys.  It turned out the defendant signed a plea agreement and we were no longer needed.  Kind of a bummer that I drove all the way downtown, BUT, the bailiff said that we still get our per diem for the day.  I will walk away from the last three days $120 richer (plus whatever they give me for mileage).  Not a bad way to make a little extra cash for the wedding.

As for running, I’m actually really happy I had this experience.  I am aiming for 70 miles this week, which has always felt like a hard in-between mileage week.  It takes more effort than 50, because it is usually when doubles start, but it isn’t as exhausting as 100 mile weeks.  However, since you’re in the process of building, it feels like you’re running more than you are.  Having a sleep deprived schedule has reminded me how fortunate I am that I’ve been able to build my life around training, and I’m going to try and remember not to take that for granted!